Musings of the Heart Pt. 17: Dark

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Black. That was all I saw when I opened my eyes. I was surrounded by a darkness that took me into it’s embrace. When people think of darkness, they usually associate it with a type of sinister evil that they are unable to understand. People look at the dark and become afraid of what they are unable to see in it. Some say that there are demons or monsters lurking in it’s depths, waiting to pounce when given the chance.

However, in this darkness I felt an unusual warmth. As if it was made specifically for me. I reached out my hand and grasped at the air, checking if it was safe. There was no imminent danger, no raging beast that stood in front of me. At least to my immediate knowledge. I decided to take a few steps forward. The ground was flat and smooth, for the moment nothing seemed to be in my path. I continued to move forward, my legs becoming lighter with each step. Growing up, I was afraid of being alone in the dark. To me, it was something that I couldn’t control. But here, I felt comfortable and free.

I started to run deeper into this unknown plane of nothingness, until an unseen force compelled me to stop. I went around in circles, blinking rapidly so my eyes could become accustomed to the darkness. When I stopped, my vision returned and I saw a little boy standing alone in the distance. His back was facing towards me, so I had no way to know how he looked like. I threw caution to the wind and made my way towards the boy until we were only a foot apart. I called out to him several times, but received no response. I decided to wait for him to notice my presence. What felt like an hour later, the little boy finally turned around. I stepped back in shock. It was me. A younger version of me. Although I couldn’t hear sound coming from either direction, I could see that he was crying. My younger version had his face scrunched up with tears streaming down his cheek. I took a step forward and held out my hand and waited for him to grab it. One minute turned into five, and that five eventually turned into an hour. But I continued to wait for him, I continued to hold out my hand. Finally, he stopped crying and looked up at me confused. I smiled and took a small step forward. Then, he smiled back and took my hand.

I blinked once and when I opened my eyes, I found myself under the covers of my bed. I sat up and looked around. A younger version of me was nowhere to be found. I touched my cheek and felt a dried streak of tears. But I knew that they were tears of happiness, tears of joy. I was reminded that the version of me that I missed so much was still there. That I hadn’t changed as much as I thought. I just needed to acknowledge the darkness that resided in my soul to see the shining light that still resided in my heart.


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