Dear You, Pt. 31

dear you

Do you remember the day that we met? It was raining then, and we both had just stepped outside of the local Starbucks, waiting for the downpour to subside. Neither of us had a jacket or an umbrella to protect us from the oncoming rain. We made eye contact and laughed at our predicament before deciding to go back inside. Fifteen minutes later, the rain had stopped but we were too busy, wrapped up in a heated debate over TV shows to notice (Boy Meets Worlds is still better than Friends). I don’t like to call our first meeting a coincidence. Nor do I like to call it fate. I would like to say that it was somewhere in between, something beyond human and divine understanding. We left that day with phone numbers exchanged and a promise to meet up again. And we did. We met a few more times, in private and in the company of friends. I do admit that my feelings did not remain platonic and I would like to believe that the same can be said about you. But to be completely honest, I was afraid. I was afraid to take the next logical step in our budding relationship. During that pivotal moment, I blamed it on the past. I put blame on the invisible scars that I carried around in my heart and the walls that were constructed shortly after I received them. But with your help, I learned of ways to heal, by myself and with the help of others. With you by my side, I didn’t feel invincible, but I felt pretty damn close and maybe with a couple more years, I would have been able to take on Batman or Iron Man (without their gear of course). I know that it may be too late, but I want to apologize for not being honest with the way that I felt and only telling you now. I apologize for possibly creating a scar on your heart, labeling it with my name, and tainting our memories with a tinge of pain and regret. I am not writing this so that I may receive another chance, I am writing this so that you will understand why I did the things that I did. And even if you don’t, I want you to know that I still wish you the best.

I’m sorry and I hope this rain ends,