Dear You, Pt. 24

dear you

You always told me to be selfish, that the rest of the world didn’t care about my well-being, and that it was my job to ensure that I pursued the things that would benefit me and only me. There were nights when you constantly told me that I shouldn’t choose you, that you were not someone that I could trust, because like everyone else you could suddenly disappear and leave like smoke being carried away by the wind. You told me  to become cold and unfeeling so that if the ground started to crumble from beneath my feet, I would not be harmed from the imminent fall. Throughout our conversations you would remind me that dreams were dangerous, that my mother and father were always right, that I should aspire to become stable and happiness will naturally follow afterwards. And not even once I’ve challenged you. I’ve never told you that you were wrong, because you were absolutely right. I wanted to become stable and secure and safe so that I had something to fall back on. But as the routine began to seep in and the days started to mesh together, I realized something important: I was not happy. I was not happy with who I became, I was not happy working in this unrelated field, I was just simply not happy. And I wish I could say that after a while, things changed. They didn’t. As of right now, in this present moment, I don’t care whether I will be able to feed myself at night, because honestly what’s the point if I don’t want to wake up to live another day. At the end of it all, at the end of this I want to make one thing clear. I don’t want to be safe. I want to be free and happy and I want to breathe a sigh of relief. I want to feel like I’m skating on cotton candy clouds while I’m doing something that I love, something that makes me happy. And in the end, I will choose you. Not them, not me, but you.

I choose you because you make me happy and by your side is the only place I want to be,
Me

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