Dear You, Pt. 24

dear you

You always told me to be selfish, that the rest of the world didn’t care about my well-being, and that it was my job to ensure that I pursued the things that would benefit me and only me. There were nights when you constantly told me that I shouldn’t choose you, that you were not someone that I could trust, because like everyone else you could suddenly disappear and leave like smoke being carried away by the wind. You told me ┬áto become cold and unfeeling so that if the ground started to crumble from beneath my feet, I would not be harmed from the imminent fall. Throughout our conversations you would remind me that dreams were dangerous, that my mother and father were always right, that I should aspire to become stable and happiness will naturally follow afterwards. And not even once I’ve challenged you. I’ve never told you that you were wrong, because you were absolutely right. I wanted to become stable and secure and safe so that I had something to fall back on. But as the routine began to seep in and the days started to mesh together, I realized something important: I was not happy. I was not happy with who I became, I was not happy working in this unrelated field, I was just simply not happy. And I wish I could say that after a while, things changed. They didn’t. As of right now, in this present moment, I don’t care whether I will be able to feed myself at night, because honestly what’s the point if I don’t want to wake up to live another day. At the end of it all, at the end of this I want to make one thing clear. I don’t want to be safe. I want to be free and happy and I want to breathe a sigh of relief. I want to feel like I’m skating on cotton candy clouds while I’m doing something that I love, something that makes me happy. And in the end, I will choose you. Not them, not me, but you.

I choose you because you make me happy and by your side is the only place I want to be,
Me

Dear You, Pt. 23

dear you

I’ve heard you cry out, although your lips only tremble and you refuse to let them move. You’ve always been like that, silent and timid, yet brimming with an abundance of ideas that the world ought to hear. At first, you were a mystery, a question mark that I tried incredibly hard to answer. At the time, I didn’t stop to think that maybe I didn’t need to find an answer. Rather, I needed to only understand and sympathize with how you felt and when you felt that way. Because that’s what you did for me. You held me tight and close enough that I could feel my heart beating in sync with your own. You did not say that you would fix me, but instead, you constantly reminded me that we were in this together and that we would be able to figure things out together. But now, that season of our life is over and we’ve learned how to live without the other. Surely, if the stars were to align and we were given another chance, I would take it without a second thought. But I know that right now, this is where we need to be: as just friends. So as your friend, as someone who cares about you deeply and truly, do not tremble in fear of speaking your mind. Do not hesitate to call out to me, so that I can remind you that you are not alone and that I will try my best to understand. I may not be able to provide the answer that you are looking for, but I will listen to what you have to say. I will love you, even when you wholeheartedly that you are not loved.

Because when I look at you, I am inspired to be an example of love,
Me