Dear You, Pt. 22

dear you

I couldn’t sleep last night because my head was filled with thoughts of you. Would you believe me if I told you that, face to face? Maybe not. You would think that with the distance that has accumulated between us, I would have better- other things to think about. But as always, I remain awake at night and think about you. I think about the people you’ve met and who was lucky enough to become your friend. I wonder about the current obstacles you face and if there is someone that you’re able to confide in. I lie down and wonder if you still go outside in the middle of the night, sit on the bench on the right side of your house, and look at the stars that populate the sky. I wonder if you have similar thoughts about me. As you might have guessed, I can no longer sleep at night. At least I’m unable to sleep well or at a reasonable time. The night has become somewhat of a home for me. It’s become a safe haven, a place that I’m able to visit whenever life gets a little hard, a security blanket or pillow that helps me keep the monsters at bay. Sometimes I wonder if our relationship had lasted, would I have ended up like this? Would we have remained as friends? Would I be slightly happier knowing that I could turn to you, as a friend, when I am unable to sleep at night? But I’m not a time traveler, as much as I wish I could be, nor do I know of one. The past cannot be changed or altered. It is not a home that can be touched up or repaired if something becomes broken or damaged. The past happened for a reason. Or at least I’d like to think that way. This letter will never reach you nor will I ever be able to say this in public. It  is just something that I like to do in order to pass the time before I’m able to sleep. So if you hear or read that I am thinking of you, do not be alarmed and you don’t need to call. I just hope that sometimes, you think about me, too.

And sometimes, I hope we’re both awake at night, staring at the same night sky,
Me