Dear You, Pt. 19

dear you

When I was with you, I felt a plethora of feelings, some good and some bad. But I always enjoyed my time with you. I remember smiling as you spoke, silently wondering how you decided that you wanted to spend this time with me. I fondly remember dancing in the lobby of the hotel after prom and how I felt infinite, twirling around to the music in our heads. I am able to recall the daily phone calls, the ones that would last for hours until we- or more accurately, until fell asleep. Everything about us seemed so harmonious, so peaceful, and so right. But I realized this too late. Underneath all of the good, underneath our seemingly perfect relationship, absent of fights, that’s when the red flag should have appeared. And slowly, but surely, you grew tired of me. I kept pushing forward and was not able to realize that in order to change and to mature, there needs to be some sort of obstacle that we must overcome. And when it did, I failed miserably. At the time, I became engulfed in my emotions and didn’t realize that my next action would hurt you. That what I did next shattered our seemingly harmonious relationship into a thousand pieces that disappeared into the stream of time. Now, the us that I had grown so accustomed to, became the past and truth be told, I haven’t forgiven myself since. But the years have passed, we’ve grown older, and although I still feel apologetic and guilty, I hope that you are doing well. I hope that we will both be able to find someone that we can argue with, someone that we can grow with. I often imagine what it would be like if we coincidentally met on the street. It is my sincere hope that we’ll be able to greet each other with a smile, a sign of a simple hello. Of course this scenario has changed countless times, but I hope you know that I hold the time that we shared together precious.

Thank you for that season of my life,
Me

 

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