Dear You, Pt. 15

dear you

Have you ever ridden the bus and blankly stared out of the window and felt absolutely nothing. Your mind goes completely blank and all you are is an empty shell, waiting for something extraordinary to happen, waiting for that one moment to reinvigorate your tired soul. Have you ever felt that way? Because I know I have. I’ve felt as if there was nothing more to my life than the space that I occupy. And it’s depressing. It’s been depressing. And I can only wish to see things in the various hues of color that you see them. Sometimes I think about all of my accomplishments, all that I am, and it amounts to nothing when put in your shadow. I’ve always wanted to be like you, to know what it feels like to be worth something. I can only imagine what it’s like to be cared for and loved. This is what an older version of “me” would have said. But the “me” now? I just want to thank you for sticking around in my darkest hours. I just want to thank you for allowing me to confide in you. I just want to thank you. Just, thank you. And that’s all I can really say, for words continuously fail me and I always seem to be short of breathe. But I know that my actions are filled with love and passion and that my hands transform dreams into reality. So now it is my turn to be a light to others. It is my turn to help wipe away your constant stream of tears and remind you that it will all be okay. As you’ve always said, the sun must rise after the night and storms do not last forever. There will be a time of peace, a time of happiness, and a time afterwards. I promise you this much.

And just as you once said to me, you will be okay,
Me

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Dear You, Pt. 14

dear you

I remember there was a time when we did more than tolerate each other. Once upon a time we were friends, attached by the hip, never one without the other. But that wasn’t even the most beautiful part. The most sincere and heart warming thing about our friendship was that we could always pick up right where we left off. Whether it was a week away at separate high schools or a semester away in different states, we would always come back to each other as if no time had passed. It’s strange how friendships could change so easily, especially one like our own. But I guess that was the power of baseless rumors and unresolved misunderstandings. Even after we exchanged apologies, nothing was ever the same. From that point onward, we tended to tread lightly around each other, careful not to give too much information in case we felt too bothersome, like we were no longer permitted to deeply confide in each other. However, I was unable to muster up the courage to tackle our problems head on and now- now we are mere shells of our former relationship. Long gone are the midnight Walmart runs under a summer sky. Spontaneous visits to what was once our favorite restaurant are a thing of the past. And now when the workers ask where you are, I say that you’re busy and continue with my meal. But deep down inside, I know that’s a lie and that they will probably never see us together again. The end of a romantic relationship is surely difficult. There’s no doubt about that. But losing someone that I considered part of my family?

If only I could have my best friend back,
Me