Dear You, Pt. 9

dear you

I was not surprised that you threw me aside as soon as you held me close. As if I were some form of infectious disease that, once discovered, caused you to take every precautionary measure. Maybe it was irony, maybe it was my horrible luck but I became sick instead. I became sick of hearing your name passed around in conversations that I could only hope to be part of. I became sick of your shadow as I tried to tiptoe around the edges but found myself constantly falling into it’s dark abyss. I became sick of counting as I counted the number of times that my hopes were brought up and soared among the clouds, only to come crashing down and be reminded that it was only a paper plane destined to reunite with the earth. Perhaps there is a possibility that I could be considered as a masochist for the exact number of times that I inflicted pain upon my fragile heart, I am not able to fully recall. And every single time, I had the choice to turn the other way, march, and eventually become one with the horizon and fervently hope that you would be unable to find me. But I could not go through with it. I became quite familiar with the pain of one-sided affection. The familiarity of this pain made me feel somewhat safe, as odd or wrong as that sounds. It was one of the only consistencies of my life. So as I continue to take on this role as an outsider looking in, do not pity me and do not try to bring me into your life. It is far too late for that. Instead, please support my decision in fully isolating my entire being from you. I have learned how to stand on these two feet, no thanks to you. But thanks to you, I now know that sometimes being alone is necessary. That being alone is quite okay.

I have grown to like being alone, so please keep your distance,


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