Dear You, Pt. 4

dear you

It’s been a really long time, hasn’t it? I couldn’t believe it at first, when I saw you. It was as if I were in one of my dreams, you know, the ones I would always tell you about. The kind of dream in which I could never differentiate between reality and fiction. Rather than having a dream that reeked with blood and was overpopulated with monsters, not being able to tell what was real and what wasn’t scared me the most. But you knew that. You knew practically everything about me. Or did you? I’m sorry. I can’t really remember, it’s been too long. Especially since it’s been so long, I can barely remember a thing. It’s been years since I saw you last. But I was always like that. Forgetful. But I could never completely forget you. Even when I tried. And trust me, I sincerely tried, but I never could. For a while, I was quite mad at myself. For a long time actually, I was mad that I couldn’t have done more for you. That I wasn’t able to do more for myself to get over the obstacle that I called you. It was infuriating. And every time I looked in the mirror, I saw small, yet evident traces of your presence. In the way I smiled, to the empty spot that your toothbrush used to occupy and even in the way the water slowly trickled down the drain. It was exhausting living that way. And quite frankly, I would have continued to do so. I would ha- I did fall into a rut, doing the same old menial tasks over and over and over again, with the very idea that it was in my best interest to forget about your existence. But like I said, I never could. And once I realized that, once I embraced this strange, yet comforting fact, I began to get better. I started to breathe again and once more, I was alive. So what happens next, now that I’ve seen you after such a long time has passed? For now, I shall keep that a secret. For now, just know that I am okay. And I guess it’s time to say my farewells.

Goodbye… for now,
Me

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