It’s been hard on you hasn’t it? The pressure, the expectations, everything. You’ve told me before, that you didn’t think you were enough. Enough for your parents, enough for your friends, even enough for yourself. You always said that you were lacking something. That despite everything you’ve accomplished, there was some key component missing. That the only consistency in your life was absence. To tell you the truth, the most absolute and sincere truth, when you asked me what I saw in you, I handpicked those adjectives and made those descriptions in order to make you feel better. But in all honestly, I always thought one thing was true about you: You are a human being. You are a living, breathing, human being with a set of emotions and that alone makes you lovely and beautiful. And in that regard, shouldn’t we all be considered beautiful and perfect and well-made? I’ve always wanted to stop you when you started going on your rants. I’ve always wanted to slap you in the face and scream at you to stop. You’ve come too far to just take a million leaps back now. You were doing so good at moving forward, yet you’re still willing to hide in that dark shell, continuously reciting the words “I am worthless” when you’re really not. However, knowing you, this won’t stop. You will continue to feel bad for yourself for whatever reason and regardless of what I say or do, without fail you will push away my help. Yet I will continue to be here for you. I will continue to hope and to pray that one day you will see your worth. That one day you will look into the mirror and swell up with immense pride in what you see. I will continue to be a friend. Because that’s what I never had – someone who believed in me no matter what. I have faith that you will be fine. I hope one day you’ll feel the same way.
We were best friends once. At least in my eyes. But I am almost certain that you felt the same way at one point in time. And in another reality, we are still best friends. On another Earth or on a different star, there we are, our relationship still intact, the sound of our laughter swirling together, creating a gust of infectious joy. But now look at us. What have we devolved to? Mere friends? Acquaintances? Strangers? I still look at the movie stubs that we collected in high school, the ones that we swore we would keep. My bag is sitting prettily, neatly tucked away in the bottom drawer of my desk back at home. You remember that, don’t you? You opened it once and saw a picture of my ex, the one I swore I had gotten over. I don’t think I ever had the chance to thank you for helping me through that time. So thank you. I know it’s late, in all aspects of the word, but thank you. I certainly do miss the hands that held me up on drunken nights. The mouth that never failed to lift up my spirits in times of need (Okay, maybe once or twice resulted in failure, but who’s counting, right?). I certainly do miss those eyes filled with concern, judgement, and everything in between, all at the same time. I miss a lot of things about you. But what I miss the most is having you as a best friend. So please, be well. In whatever you do, please be happy and be well. I sincerely hope to see you again one day. Maybe not soon, but eventually. And possibly then, when we randomly meet for the first time in ages, we will sit down and talk and laugh and wonder, “Why did we ever stop being friends?”
Hey guys, I know I’ve been away for a while, but I am back with a vengeance! It has honestly been a while since I’ve last written on here- well, honestly honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, really. So instead of trying to wrack my brain with some sort of topic to go off on, I thought I would start with something simple, a project that I could do whenever and wherever: “Dear You,”. I will never confirm or deny who I’m writing to, whether it’s an actual person I’m addressing, or if it’s a group of people. All parts of this “Dear You,” series may become deeper than expected, but let’s see where this leads us.
I started to remember why you wanted to leave in the first place. The pressure, the unpleasant childhood, that thought that slipped into your mind that repeatedly told you that you weren’t good enough. I started to remember the secrets that you used to confide in me. I started to remember the kind, considerate person that you once were. That time seems like ages ago. Now you’re closed off, cold to the touch, and constantly trying to prove your worth to yourself. But it’s never enough, is it? I can see it in your bright, yet sleep-deprived eyes. I can see it in the way you space out while looking outside the window. I can see life in what you always seem to call a lifeless shell. But I know you are stronger than this. You are the most amazing person I know and I think everyone else should know that too. So go out, be not afraid, and show the world just how amazing you are. But until then, until you’re able to gather up the courage, until the day you’re able to pick up the broken pieces of your self-esteem, I will be right here, silently waiting, but at the same time vigorously cheering you on. Eventually, I know you will be okay.
Sincerely and love always,